'DJ Danny' was backstage at Radio One's Big Weekend trying to find a way to get onstage.
DJ Danny I've just spotted Dave Grohl and he could be a man who's rock and roll enough to get me onstage. Hi Dave I'm Danny, I'm a DJ and I'm trying to get myself onstage at the festival.
Dave Grohl Yeah?
DJ Any tips for heading out there?
DG How to perform on stage?
DG You need to seem drunk. You don't have to get drunk, just seem drunk. You know what I mean?
DG Sort of just act wobbly. Just stumble a little.
DJ Should I fall over onstage?
DG You could. You could just dive into the audience.
DJ What about being sick?
DG Usually tell everyone you're sick so they're worried the gig isn't gonna happen and then you just get onstage and blow doors.
DJ I'm nervous that I may actually be sick.
DG Oh, vomit? that's good showmanship. People pay good money to see shit like that. Actually I got vomited on once by a singer when I was 13 years old at an outdoor festival in Washington DC.
DJ Was it food poisoning do you think?
DG No. I think he was screaming so hard that he made himself gag and I got a little on my arm.
DJ Oh, really?
DG But see. I'm still talking about it though. These are the things legends are made of.
DJ Absolutely. I want to be a legend. I want to be a superstar DJ. Looking at me do you think I could make it?
DG You mean like with the turntables and stuff? I dunno. I just don't know about that kind of stuff.
DJ I think I've got what it takes.
DG Do ya?
DG You've nice shoes.
DJ Thank you. I feel a spiritual moment when I'm with the crowd.
DG With turntables? Really? I thought that only happened with rock 'n' roll.
DJ Lost in the beats. Sometime really lost and I don't know what i'm doing and press the wrong button.
DG Like you're in a trance.
DJ Like a trance.
DG Like trance! That's a kind of dance music.
DJ I play banging, phat beats. Def, Mental, ill beats sometimes.
DG Nice! I can't wait to find your tent.
DJ If you see me onstage will you give me a big shoutout.
DG Perhaps. Probably not. That's when I'm in my trance.
DJ Can I DJ onstage with Foo Fighters?
DG No! We don't do the 'beats & rock' thing together. We have our own beats and we have our own rock too. I think we're fine.
DJ Are you saying catagorically you won't let me onstage with you?
DG Don't get anywhere near the stage when we're playing. Ok?
DJ You'd set security on me?
DG Yeah. The guy with the funny trainers and the red jacket - kick him the fuck out of here.