Grohl Power

Loaded 1999


The many talents of Foo Fighter Dave

Jokes about drummers being no good at anything else tend to proliferate like flies round a matted tramp's arse. Dave Grohl, though, would appear to be the exception to the rule. The man who used to hit things for Nirvana has proved himself to be something of a jack-of-all-trades. For the first Foo Fighters album in 1995, he not only weighed in with all the growling vocals, but provided 99% of the ribcaving instrumentation to boot. A proper little Mister Versatile, so he is. But is he much cop when it comes to none musical activites? And what's more, does he have a second career lined up if the punters decide tomorrow that his music sucks the big one? Across the big pond, holed up in a swanky hotel in Rhode Island, just out of bed and feeling "as rough as a raven's crotch", is Dave Grohl - affable as you like, and happy to answer those very questions.

Are you any use at DIY?
"Oh sure," he says. "I'm able to knock up a shelf. I can knock down a wall too. There's no challange to that. You just knock the fucker down. It helps to do it right. But, even if you don't, you learn from your mistake. Ok, it might be an expensive mistake. But, hey, I'm rich as shit. I can afford to make expensive mistakes." Fair enough. But what about electricity? Is Grohl your man when you need a spot of rewiring done?

"Electricity frightens me," he admits. "Having been a drummer for so long and not having to deal with any outlets or jacks or whatever, I'm so afraid of being shocked. I've had my lips burnt off with lightning bolts of electricity from lousy rehersal space PA systems. There's something about electricity that fucking freaks me out. I think it comes from my childhood when I'd stick coathangers in sockets, just to check out what it felt like to be electrocuted."

Animals then? Does Grohl have a way with God's furry creatures?
"I can dog whistle. If I'm in a room with a dog, I can push my tounge up against the roof of my mouth and blow until it's practically inaudible. It's so high-pitched the dog's ears will pop up. So I guess, if it all goes belly-up tomorrow, I could always become a dog trainer." Maybe he'll become one of those blokes who walk around town centres dressed up as mobile phones?

"Mmm. Not sure I'd fancy that. It's like the people who work at Disneyland who walk around dressed up as Goofy. Apparently, under no circumstances are they allowed to remove their outfits when they're in the parks. So you have these people in 80lb Goofy costumes, running around in 110 degree heat. Even if you happen to vomit, you're not allowed to remove your costume in front of the children because they'll freak out and won't believe that Goofy is a real animal. Once you're wearing those costumes, you're not even allowed a regular piss break. I guess you could just piss in your suit. But imagine if you're five years old and the first time you met Minnie Mouse she smelled of piss and vomit."

Any other hidden talents to declare?
Well, he can paint. But not very well. He can juggle up to three rolling pins at once. He claims to be a dab hand in the kitchen. He can do weird things with his tounge, but "You'll just have to ask the ladies about that". So what about the future? "I might end up composing soundtracks for porno movies. Porno films usually have that disco drumbeat thing going on, it could be fun to do something with that. Is my style of music sexy enough? I think it is. As far as music for fucking goes, the last album was probably ideal for that first night with a new girlfriend. You meet her in a bar. You've both had a few drinks. You stumble home. The Foo Fighters album goes on. You have your night of wild exploratory sex. This new album is maybe the record you play when you finally know what your doing." Finally, any other ambitions? "Sure, I'd like to be able to suck my own dick, which I'm not able to do at present. But I'm not complaining. Y'know life's pretty good."

Words:Jon Wilde

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